The Bride God Chooses

     He headed into the night, unaware of where he was going. He had to think. He wanted to hide; he felt ashamed for leaving her. But it was precisely what she wanted.

     Thomas rounded a boulder and headed along white sand, deeper into the canyon. In the morning I will take her back. His vision blurred with moisture. I have no choice. It's what she wants. If she can't recognize a gift when she sees one, she hardly deserves it, does she? She should be running to the red pools, but she's talking about going back.

     A tear leaked down his cheek.

     "Where are you going?"

      Thomas spun toward the voice on his left.

      Justin!

      Could it be? He stepped back, blinking.

      Yes, Justin. He wasn't smiling this time, and his jaw was firm.

      "Justin?"

      Justin glanced back toward the boulders that hid the camp. "You left her."

     "I..." Thomas didn't know that to say. Why had he seen Justin twice in one week? And why was Justin so interested in Chelise?

     Justin faced him, green eyes flashing with anger. "How dare you leave her alone! Do you have any idea who she is? I entrusted her to you."

     "She's Chelise, daughter of Qurong. I didn't know that you'd entrusted her to me."

     "She's the one my father prepared for me! You've left my bride to sob in the sand!" Justin took several paces toward the camp, then turned back, head now in his hands.

     Thomas wasn't sure what to make of this display.

     Justin lowered his hands. "I told you myself, I would show you my heart. I sent you Michael when you began to doubt, and you're already forgetting. Do I need to show myself to you every day?"

     Justin pointed toward the camp. "You should be kissing her feet, not running away."

     "I don't understand. She's only one woman-"

     "No! She's the one I've chosen to show the Circle my love for them. Through you."

     Thomas sank to his knees, horrified by what he was hearing. "I swear I didn't know. I swear I will love her. Forgive me. Please forgive me. I..."

     "Please, hurry," Justin said. The moonlight showed tears in his eyes. "Her heart is breaking. You have to help her understand. Don't think I am the only one who wants her. My enemy will not rest."     

-from the book White by Ted Dekker

She is disgusting. Her breath smells foul, her skin is diseased and flaking, and her heart is cold as stone. She refuses to receive life and healing when offered to her on a silver platter. Yet she is precisely the person whom Justin (a type of Jesus) wants to lavish his love on. Chelise is lost. Her soul hangs in the balance between an invisible war which wages for her heart. And the task to demonstrate that love is given to a man who knows the Truth.

The same task is given to those who bear the name of Christ Jesus. It seems that most of the time we in the Church are focused on ourselves. After all, we reason, we are His chosen, the elect, the saved, His bride. Those outside are immoral, disgusting, sinful, untouchable. Or if we do care, we have given up hope because of their unresponsiveness or the seemingly impossible task to make them understand or even want the Truth. If only we could see His eyes! We might see righteous anger toward us, and tears of love and sorrow for those we have rejected in our religiosity. We might see Him pacing the floor with hands wringing and deep sobs convulsing His body. We might see His heart, and that it has always been for the...lost.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things-and the things that are not-to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God-that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 1:26-31)

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the "sinners" and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:15-17)

Alive

In a previous post I wrote about the death of a dream. The light from my eyes, the bounce in my step, my purposeful focus, and my vivacity for life followed my dream to the grave. I had no energy or desire to carry me throughout those days. I could only think that I needed to put one foot in front of the other.

But lately, well, some things have been popping up here and there in a very consistent pattern. It started subconsciously when we collaged our internship experiences. It was realized in a book. It was affirmed through a song in the prayer room. It was declared outright by a teacher in a class. Basically, it is this...

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." (Howard Thurman)

In talking about the singular unity comprised of the multiple gifts in the Body of Christ, Paul quotes, "he (Christ)...gave gifts to men" (Ephesians 4). Throughout my life, for some strange, unknown reason, I have felt like I need to crush my giftings. For whatever reason-fear of pride, fear of man, or fear itself-I felt like it was wrong to do what I really wanted to do. If I really wanted something, I reasoned, it couldn't possibly be God's will! But that thought is ludicrous! It is exactly what the Enemy wants us to think to keep us from being truly significant in this world. With the death of our hope comes the death of our effectiveness.

It was God who put many of your innermost desires and talents inside you when he created you in the first place, and he has every aspiration of you using them! After all, he himself said that, "...He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart" (Psalm 37:4, Amp).

Don't get me wrong, I learned some very important lessons during that season. Surrender. Trust. Perseverance. But in this new season of my life, I feel like God is resurrecting some desires in me that I have buried very, very, very deep. "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds" (John 12:24).

I still don't know anymore what my life is going to look like, but I'm starting to explore my dreams again. It is much harder for us to get out of his will than we might think, and he isn't shocked or hindered by our weaknesses. What about you? Think about it. Does a dead person or an alive person have more impact on the world? God will still sometimes ask us to surrender things, life won't always be easy, but rest assured-he made you, and he LOVES what he has made!!